Directed by Andrzej Bartkowiak. 100 minutes.
Starring Jet Li, DMX, Tom Arnold, Anthony Anderson, Gabrielle Union, and Kelly Hu. Released by Warner Brothers Pictures.
There is a wonderful moment in Cradle 2 the Grave, the latest collaboration between director Andrzej Bartkowiak, rapper DMX, and actor/kung fu extraordinaire Jet Li. Villains Mark Dacascos (previously seen in Brotherhood of the Wolf) and Kelly Hu stand in front of a room, describing the force of the laser beam gun, powered by crystals (Is it me, or does every recent action film contain villains that possess some unexplainable weapon that can bring mankind certain doom?) that they have managed to acquire. As they speak, the camera revolves around the room, we see a group of people from a variety of nations and cultures listening intently. Who are they, you might ask? My guess is some sort of generic International League of Villains and Criminals, but I could be wrong. The point being, when is the last time such ridiculousness took itself seriously, which, in this case, is somewhat both a hindrance and a relief. The film is, at times, entertaining- especially during several of the action sequences- and, of course, unbelievably silly.
In the movie, DMX is some sort of mastermind thief who pulls off a heist at the beginning that Harry Houdini and the world’s three best thieves could most likely not pull off. It is here that we have Ridiculous Action Movie Scene Number One, though little action is involved this time. As the heist takes place, Gabrielle Union, DMX’s sweetheart is sent to distract a security guard and get his attention while he, with his goofy action movie name Tony Fait (pronounced fate), steals some priceless black diamonds. Well, wouldn’t you know, the security guard is gay and so Anthony Anderson, one of Fait’s accomplices, is sent to flirt with the guard. This is, of course, all presented in the most over-the-top manner with Anderson describing the size of his, well, you know. While both Union and Anderson flirt with the guard, I, all the while, flirted with the notion that no well trained security guard would fail to become suspicious when first an attractive woman put the moves on him, and, upon discovering he is gay, leave, only to have a man ironically begin hitting on him moments later. The woman and man also speak to each other right in front of the guard as she walks out the door and he comes in, but never mind.
This is a film that defies logic. The action sequences are well choreographed and even exciting, mostly. There are two scenes that take place simultaneously in the film quite successfully. The first involves Jet Li becoming engaged in a Tough Man-like contest at a local bar. Of course, his involvement is completely uninspired, but once again I think I am delving too deep here. Li kicks and throws men twice his size all over the cage in which he is fighting. He even picks up a midget that called him Bruce Lee and spins him through the air. Ho, ho, ho. Nevertheless the scene has a ballet-like quality amidst all the broken bones and bruises. It is exciting. All the while, Fait has lead the police on a wild chase through several stores and streets of Los Angeles on a motor scooter of some sort and goes flying over building tops one after the other. The editing of these two scenes together make for the film’s best moments, though the final series of fight sequences, which we all know will take place at the end of a movie such as this one, works quite well too.
But the plot. Lest we not forget about that thing. Or the dialogue either. It is all presented in a series of huffs, grunts, shouts, and macho tough guy talk. DMX shows more charisma here than he did in his previous efforts with Bartkowiak (the mediocre Romeo Must Die and the dreadful Exit Wounds) and, if given the right script, could make for a good action hero. Jet Li is finally able to do his thing in this film, which is create his own special effects through body movement. His abilities as a martial artist and action hero are amazing and it is a relief that the filmmakers allowed him to let loose in this film, rather than use silly digital effects in the fight scenes, as has been unsuccessfully done before (Romeo Must Die and, Li’s worst American film to date, The One). It is a shame that the energy of Li and DMX were not channeled into a better film or a better story. So, once again, we have stolen diamonds, car chases, foreign and unmerciful villains, a final fight scene in a ring of fire, elaborate heists, goofy white-guy sidekicks (this one in the form of Tom Arnold who is, perhaps, the most used goofy white-guy sidekick in movie history at this point), the hero’s daughter being kidnapped, a weapon of mass destruction, yada, yada, yada. Maybe the director should have concentrated more on that International League of Villains and Criminals. I think they were on to something there.